Hardened
by Bookworm Till The End
Summary: Ranger and Joe leave, and Steph undergoes a traumatic experience.  Ranger comes back and Steph's changed.  Can anything go back to the way it was, or is Steph doomed to a fate that no one can help her escape?  Read the AN!
1. You Know Nothing

Disclaimer- I own nothing. tear

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It was about 11 o'clock at night and I was just retiring to my apartment. I was still living in the same old, dingy, utilarian apartment that I was before. It was one of the few things that had not changed since my own, personal, revolution. 

Normally, I wouldn't be out this late, too cautious anymore to venture out past sunset. My paranoia just wouldn't let me.

My name is Stephanie Plum, and you know nothing about me.

As a matter of fact, no one truly does. Not anymore. Although, the argument concerning whether anyone really ever did was permanently up in the air.

Except for him. He knew everything, and he was always there. Not counting the time that I needed him most. The time that changed everything and brought me into the state of mind in which I was now in.

Although I can't really say that that upsets me. If it weren't for him not being there, I would still be the immature and naïve little girl that I once was. I hated that girl. She was the one who slowed me down, took away thirty years of my life that I had wasted making the wrong turn every time, eventually leading me into a place in which I had very little chance of ever escaping. It's too bad that it took such a horrible experience to show me the way out.

Never again will I venture my way in once more. The only thing keeping me from dieing at my own hands now is that I am afraid.

I do not fear bugs, spiders, or bodily pain. I do not fear darkness or time. I fear only the unknown and what lies within its shadows.

Anymore I shut myself down instead of letting others help me. I either win or I lose no matter what the price of losing may be, because allowing someone else to do it for you teaches you nothing but to depend on others. You put your trust in everyone else, and you put caution to the wind. Without caution you become unaware of your surroundings. Nothing could be more deadly.

Sometimes, I wish that he was there. That he could have saved me from the pain and the suffering. That he could have reversed my fate of hating what I saw in the mirror. But then I remember that if he was there, I would still be that girl. And I forget.

Once again, my name is Stephanie Plum. You now know my fears and that I have changed. But, once again, you know nothing about me.

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BOORRRIIINNGG! Yea, I know. It was necessary though. Give me 10 reviews and I'll write a chapter with something actually interesting in it. There is an actual plot! 

Don't forget... 10 REVIEWS, PEOPLE! NOT THAT HARD! Plus, if you review it I'll reply. So it's a win-win thing.


	2. Getting Ready For Bed

Disclaimer- I own nothing. Cry for me.

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Chapter 1

As I said before, it was about 11 o'clock when I walked into my apartment. There was no Rex to greet me; I had given him away to my niece, Mary Alice, long ago. No lights shined, no noise met my ears. Still, I drew my .38 Smith & Wesson special from my waistband and crept through my apartment, eyes and ears peeled for anything suspicious.

For the record, it has been two years since you last heard from me. Two whole years that changed everything.

About a month after the situation with The Dick, Ranger left, no call, no visit. He was _in the wind._ Tank knew where he was but had refused to tell me. I wasn't worried, Ranger had done this before, just disappeared and being gone for varying periods of time. At least, I wasn't worried at first.

Joe left not long after. He, at least, had left me a note at the TPD office. I was dropping off a skip and received the note before leaving. All it said was that he had left and that he would try to get home as soon as possible.

About two months of Ranger being gone left me with a sense of dread. I don't know why it bothered me all of a sudden, but it did. No one listened.

I tried time and time again to get Tank to explain, even slightly, but he never met my eyes, never said anything but, "I'm sorry Bombshell."

At first, I thought he was dead. That he had been killed in the line of duty or even killed in a random accident like a plane or car crash. But then, I shot that down, allowing my denial to once again take control of my mind. When I voiced my thoughts, I never got a straight yes or no answer. This only fueled my denial.

About a month later, I went nuts; pulling my gun on Tank, demanding to know where Ranger was and what was going on. Tank knew, of course, that my gun was not loaded. I was so flipped out that I hadn't even thought to load the gun, which now that I think about it, was probably a good thing. Shooting Tank could turn out really ugly for the both of us. Instead of drawing his own, he walked toward me slowly, staring into my eyes for the first time in three months, which were filled to the brim with tears, some overflowing, my mascara and eye liner making me look like a hysterical raccoon. He took the gun and threw it behind him, wrapping me in a bear hug as I sobbed.

I hadn't returned to Haywood since that day, and I avoided taking any routes that would cause me to pass by it, not allowing myself to feel the pain or sorrow that almost made me shoot Tank and lose my marbles.

I had no idea where Ranger was. To this day I still wonder. I watch the news religiously and keep my eyes and ears open for anything. I won't give up on Ranger. He's been gone for two years and everything in my life has changed, but I won't give up. Giving up hope would kill me.

Hope was what kept me going. Even after the incident, it was all I had to keep me sane.

I had been doing all this reminiscing while getting ready to crash for the night. I was home so late because I had been doing surveillance of a skip at a bar on Stark Street. At about 10 o'clock he walked, or maybe stumbled, out. His capture had been simple enough. He was a scrawny guy who was too drunk to realize what was going on. He had been arrested for trying to shoplift a six pack by hiding it under his muscle shirt covering a muscleless chest. Talk about subtle.

As you have probably figured out I've still been working for the weasel, Vinnie. However, after the incident, my performance plummeted, my captures becoming few and far between.

The guys had started coming on all of the tougher ones after I had ended up with a major gash on my arm acquired after trying to hop a fence. It had become infected and I got sick, ending up bedridden for a few days. It was enough incentive for the Merry Men to become my babysitters.

When I started acting weird after the incident that changed my life, the Merry Men had tried to make me warm up to them. But, I flinched at their touch, shrank away when they came too close. I was almost afraid of them and they thought that backing off would help me more. Still, they kept their eyes out.

A sensor had been added to monitor the opening and closing of my door. Each time a window or door opened or closed a camera came on both inside and outside of the penetrated area. I never left my windows open anymore so that wasn't a problem. I was too frightened of intruders.

My friends and family had tried also to get me to talk. Lula had broken down crying when she couldn't get to the bottom of it. Connie had too. Mary Lou had tried to call me all the time, but I wouldn't answer my phone. I was scared that they were after me again. My parents quit inviting me to dinner, I would say no every time anyway. Joe and Ranger were gone. No one else cared. How sad is that?

I flopped down onto my bed after triple checking my locks. They couldn't get me in here. I was sure of it. Still, I was cautious. I always had to be aware of my surroundings. I learned that the hard way.

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16 REVIEWS! Great job guys! Thanks a ton to everyone who reviewed.

Message to Bobthedog- I appreciate the review. I understand your point, but I disagree. You called me unbecoming. Reviews are used for constructive criticism, correct? If I don't get reviews, I don't know whether people like it or didn't or what I should change or what I do well. I think that the reviews are what will make me a better writer and the point of telling it is to become a better writer. Something tells me that it took me much longer to write this story than it will take you to review it. Sorry for the inconvenience. I would have sent this in a reply but your email address wasn't provided.

Sorry for that I just had to say it. Anyways, I know it's short but the next one will explain everything that happened to make Steph change so I didn't want to put too much in this one. Keep reviewing. I want to try for ten more reviews to make 26. They make the time spent writing all worth it in the end!


	3. The Nightmare

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Okay holy fricken crap its been a long time. About 5 months now I think. I am SOOOOO sorry about not updating for so long. Between school, and family and stuff, my lifes been crazy and writing definitely hasn't been my first priority. However, I've been having some SERIOUS guilt trips lately so heres the chapter you guys have been waiting for all this time. Again, I'm so sorry and i don't blame anyone who isn't real happy with me right now, but i hope you enjoy this chapter.

Disclaimer- I don't own a thing...nuts.

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Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_The nightmare_

_I pulled into my parking lot at about midnight. I had just gone to the Seven Eleven for a candy bar. I had a craving._

_When I got out of the car I saw something in my peripheral vision move quickly. I passed it off as an animal or just the wind, despite my Spidey-Sense tingling like mad. Moments later, I knew how much of a mistake that was._

_No sooner had a walked 10 feet from the car did two men jump out from behind the dumpster and tackle me to the ground. Within a matter of seconds, they had me down and the familiar scent of chloroform filled my nose and my vision blurred and I was bathed in darkness._

_End Nightmare_

I started awake bathed in a cold sweat, shivering and sobbing. Every time I closed my eyes I was back there in that alleyway that I would eventually awake in surrounded by men in all black. I would feel every punch, every kick, as though it was all happening again. Then I would feel as every one of them raped me right then and there against the walls that formed the alley. I would feel as each of them rammed into me with more force than I had ever dreamt of. I would hear them screaming at me time and time again questions that I couldn't answer. They were all looking for him. For Ranger.

It was just moments later when I realized that my own panic and fear had not been the reason for waking. A large man seemingly made of muscle was sitting next to me on my bed rubbing my back and whispering in Spanish. I was so startled that I lashed out at his face attempting to scratch his face with my nails.

My attempts were in vain. My wrists were held tightly in his, only one of his hands wrapped around both of mine. I struggled as hard as I could, continuing to panic due to the dark and the confusion caused by it.

Our struggle continued for another few minutes and I was starting to give up when the light was flicked on and my mouth dropped open at the sight of the man holding my wrists.

He was large, much larger than I, his mocha latte skin marred by more scars than I remembered him having, his dark brown eyes were hard and expressionless, calculating, his trademark black clothing made him almost frighteningly similar to my attackers a few years before, his silky black hair pulled back from his face with what I knew would be a leather tie.

I couldn't believe it. He was back. Finally, he was back.

Ranger was back.

"Babe," he said conversationally. I just couldn't take it anymore. The floodgates opened and I burst into tears. The stress of the past two years came rushing back at me.

Ranger held me tightly and rocked us both back and forth, shushing me and whispering to me in Spanish trying unsuccessfully to make my tears subside. I was nearing hysterics and trying to calm myself down.

After about 10 minutes I was calmed enough to hold a civilized conversation and he released me slightly before pulling away to look at me. I knew I must be a mess, the crying jag mixed with my bed head wouldn't be a very pretty combination.

"God, babe, I've missed you so much," he whispered to me.

"I've missed you too, more than you know. I was afraid that I would never get to hear you call me 'babe' again," I whispered back. He just looked at me. "I'm sorry," I quickly said, "I shouldn't have said that. It sounded weird."

He shook his head, "No, babe, I'm glad you said that, I really needed to hear that."

I smiled, even though my face was still beat red. I really was scared though, for him, for me, for the future. This man made my life light up, and I wasn't sure whether to shrink back into the darkness, because when I needed him most he wasn't there.

My mind was reeling, my thoughts crammed together. I was thankful when Ranger laid down beside me and pulled me to him, and for the first time in 2 years, I fell asleep feeling content and happy.

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Okay I know its not the greatest but it's something. I'm working on the next chapter as you all are reading this so it shouldn't be long.

REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! It's motivation, trust me, so press that little button pretty please!!


	4. To Say, or Not To Say?

So I'm actually keeping with it now. I felt like I really owed you guys for sticking with me through the time that I wasn't writing and continuing to read my stuff. Enjoy!

Disclaimer- Never have, never will, own squat. Nuts.

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Chapter 3

The next morning when I woke up, my first instinct was to check the bed beside me to make sure that the events of the night before weren't just in my head. The bed was empty.

Frantically I sat bolt upright. This had happened before, I had dreamed that Ranger came home and in the morning it hit me that it had been a dream.

Tears streaming down my face, I unsteadily made my way into the kitchen. I was so distraught that I nearly missed the envelope sitting on my kitchen counter. It was addressed with a single word: _Babe_.

With newfound hope I tore open the envelope, my hands shaking as I did so. It read:

_Had to go back to RangeMan to check in. Be back by 11._

_R_

I was ecstatic. It wasn't a dream, it was real. He was back. It wasn't just a dream.

As I wiped my eyes, I realized how big of a fool I was, for crying over him. During these past two years, I had been hardened. I thought that I could keep myself from becoming dependent on anyone or anything. I didn't want to need him, or anyone else, for that matter, and he was going to have to learn that. I'm no longer a little girl, no, not after that night.

I checked the clock, 10:30. That was the latest I had slept in a very long time. Ranger would be back soon. I had to figure out whether to tell him about that night and what happened. He needed to know that he was in danger, that people were searching for him, and were very desperate in their attempt to find him. Those people had been researching him, knew whom he was close to, and those who would be the most likely to know his whereabouts. But, at the same time, it had been a full two years. I was sure that he wouldn't want to be dealing with so much after such a short amount of time back.

I was contemplating the pros and cons of telling him, as I was preparing myself for the day, doing all the necessary shit required of any Burg girl. As much as I had changed over time, I couldn't let go of that particular habit that I had picked up from living in the Burg.

While I was toweling off in the bathroom after my shower I heard my apartment door open and shut. Before he left Trenton, I was unable to hear when Ranger entered my apartment in his smoke-like way, but after he left so long ago, it became a habit of mine to listen for the door opening and shutting almost silently, as I prayed day after day that Ranger's dark form would walk inside and finally return to me.

I wrapped myself in a robe hanging on the back of my bathroom door and opened it wide to wait for his large figure to lean itself on the doorframe. Sure enough within two minutes, he was there, watching me, and seeming to observe me for the first time in two years. I stared back as we silently assessed each other.

I knew I was a bit thinner than before, as a result of my newly formed exercise routine. The knee length robe hid the scars on my inner upper thighs. People had confronted me about how much harder my eyes seemed, and how much less people could read on my face.

Ranger's appearance was very similar to how it had been the last time we saw each other. His large, but not oversized, muscles were showed off by the black t-shirt that he wore with his black cargo pants and CAT boots. He was thinner, and his skin was darker. His once long, sleek, black hair had been cut short and spiked, only increasing his formidability. His face was still blank, but at the moment his mouth was tipped up at the corners. I was amusing him.

"We're going out to lunch, babe. It's been a long time. Too long," he said. With that declaration he walked up to me and kissed me lightly as though testing the waters, waiting for my reaction.

I nodded. I had planned on protesting him ordering me around, but that kiss changed EVERYTHING around. God, I'm such a sap.

An hour later, Ranger and I were seated at Shorty's in Ranger's preferred spot in the back of the room with his back to the wall. We had just ordered. I still was unable to decide whether or not to tell him about that night. I wanted to, desperately. I feared for him, and his family, and friends, and I knew that after so long, I couldn't bear to have him taken from me again.

Ranger stayed silent, watching me go through my mental gymnastics. Although, only few could possibly tell what I'm thinking anymore, Ranger has always been much better about it that most. He knew I was thinking, but about what was still a mystery to him.

_Should I tell him?_

_No, it's too soon, let him relax a while first._

_But what if I'm too late and he ends up hurt because I stayed silent?_

_Steph, he's staring at you, and he's waiting, pick one or the other, because you're looking and acting like a stupid person right now._

I had no idea what I was going to do, or what I should say right now. I knew of a million questions that I wanted to ask but was afraid to: Where were you? Are you hurt? Were you hurt? When will you have to leave again?

Thoughts were flying through my head as I tried to begin a conversation. "Ranger, I…."

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Okay, so it's a sucky cliffhanger. But I know pretty much where I'm going with this so yea.

REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!! It's kinda sad that out of almost 2000 hits on this story I only have 51 reviews. Come on people it's not that difficult. If I can spend and hour writing, you can spend 30 seconds reviewing.

Until next time


	5. Please Don't Hate Me

Ok, guys, I know you might hate me but this is how it goes

Ok, guys, I know you might hate me but this is how it goes.

In case you haven't already taken notice, I have a terrible habit of not updating quickly. When I try to write something, I have it planned out it my head, but when I go to write it down, I just can't get into it, so, unfortunately, I've decided to discontinue this story.

As a matter of fact, I may also stop writing here on fanfiction, with the exception of some songfics occasionally. I'm not promising anything, I just wanted to let you all know that if I do write anything, that is what it will be.

I'm sincerely sorry to those of you who have stuck with me for so very long, and I wanted to thank you for the patience you have had with me. I hope that you guys won't take me off of your author alerts, I really do.

Once again, thank you so much and I'm sorry.

-Bookworm


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